Self-compassion and inner strength by Dr Kristin Neff

Author:Dr Kristin Neff [Neff, Kristin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241624265
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2021-05-12T00:00:00+00:00

VISION

Mindfulness allows us to focus and stay true to our vision when we’re trying to make a change. Because we care about ourselves and want to be happy, we don’t get distracted from what’s really important. When we miss the mark, we often get absorbed by our feelings of failure. Instead of being mindful of the steps we need to take to move forward, our awareness gets hijacked by the shame bandits.

Maybe you’re trying to launch a new venture—a charity that provides childcare for low-income working mothers, for instance. You apply for funding from several foundations and get rejected. You squeeze your friends who know people for possible connections to wealthy donors and come up dry. If you get distracted by these early setbacks, losing faith in yourself and your ability to pull off such an ambitious project, you’ll certainly never succeed. But if you stick to your vision, seeing each challenge as a temporary bump in the road, you have a shot. If you remain clearheaded and determined, you may see opportunities that otherwise would’ve been missed, like starting a GoFundMe campaign or other creative ways of fundraising.

The ability to keep going after failure, to pick ourselves up and try again, and stay focused on our goals is known as grit.10 Angela Duckworth, the leading scholar who brought scientific attention to what grit is and what it does, once told me she thought self-compassion was one of the key factors we need to develop this trait. The safety, support, and encouragement provided by self-compassion is what allows us to hold steadfast when the path ahead is full of obstacles. Research confirms that self-compassionate people have more grit and determination to stick with things regardless of the hurdles.11 At the same time, self-compassion provides the clear vision needed to recognize when we need to shift course in order to reach our destination.

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